© 2015 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM. World Rights Reserved.
Recently, I experienced another afternoon of funeral stress and joy: that intense mixed immersion in all the emotions of a loved one’s life having ended. Because I was not officiating the service, I could simply let go and feel and think whatever I needed to feel and think. As always, I felt alternating sadness and joy. How confusing! And how wonderful. We need to go through those stages as we grieve.
On this occasion, we were celebrating the life of a friend named Elliott. Elliott was always eager, optimistic, and cheerful, with a huge smile. Just the sight of him was uplifting. At the service, people from every stage of Elliott’s life spoke about his easy sense of humor and how he surprised and cheered people. He was open to life, open to adventure, open to joy. An executive from his longtime employer told of trying to make a video, and no one knew how to use the hula hoops—until they turned and saw Elliott using one like a pro. They still use that video at that company. A retiree of several years now, Elliott was first on the scene of church events and the last volunteer to leave. At the church thrift store, he put together interview outfits for people who couldn’t afford clothes. He loved happy hours and conversations on diverse subjects.
There’s funeral stress and there’s funeral joy. We will miss Elliott, and we have painful and sad moments about his being gone. At the same time, we are joyful that he is no longer ill with cancer, and that he is now having happy hours and teaching people to hula in Heaven. I choose to remember the good times and to celebrate how he inspired all who knew him. And I hope I grow up to be as optimistic and joyful as Elliott.
- Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert. She also has a natural healing practice and is an ordained minister. She is the author of the award-winning book, Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br), plus the 2013 book, Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition. Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine. Both that book and Peace Within are available through her office. Just email firstname.lastname@example.org.
- For an appointment or to ask Kebba to speak for your group: email@example.com .
© 2015 Kebba Buckley Button, MS, OM. World Rights Reserved.
No matter how often someone offends you, and no matter how badly you’re offended, there are spiritual answers for offense. You know that feeling: “[O]uch! They shouldn’t have said/done that to me!” You know you’re a worthy person, and it’s not comfortable to be treated badly. It hurts. It reviles.
Recently, I’ve had a number of opportunities to be offended. I joke that I’m allergic to drama. I don’t enjoy being offended, hurt, or angry. Those feelings interrupt my usual serenity, Peace Within, and/or purposive productivity. I like to be enjoying life, steaming along in a positive direction, getting good things done, meeting deadlines, mixing happily with good people, and relaxing in peace between.
When I feel offended, my feelings are hurt, and my body is tense. I have trouble thinking of something else, keeping my mind on my work, my relationships, or my in-joy-meant. My attention is repeatedly dragged off-track to the person or situation that caused the feelings of offense. Has this happened to you recently? Yes. Does this sound like fun? No. Is there any benefit to anyone in someone feeling offended? No.
So what can we, as spiritual and Christian people, do when we feel offended? Say, someone who is often jealous and critical aims their blame-beam at you. They are now criticizing the way you said something you thought was endearing. You know you were kind, and this person is enjoying creating gossip. Aside from hurting you, the person is being damaging to the group/church/company. Consider these steps:
- Ask for guidance as to whether to respond to the person at all.
- Pray for the person who needs this kind of internal drama and the drama of gossip.
- Stay in your Peace Within. This person’s perception is their drama, and with this type, responding at all may throw gasoline on the fire.
- Act “as if”. Act as if the person never aimed their blame-beam at you, as if it never happened.
- Ask God whether perhaps this is a signal that you don’t need to circulate with this person anymore. Especially if this is something that the person keeps doing. Sometimes we are the ball being hit by the flipper on God’s pinball board.
- Keep your heart light. Don’t let yourself sink into the disorderly person’s drama. Keep bringing your focus back to anything positive, or simply to God.
The Bible offers this:
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
~ James 3:16 (NIV)
A person who has Peace Within does not need to create inflammatory conversation: criticism or gossip. Feel sorry for the person in disorder. Pray for the Highest and Best for them. You may be amazed at how the person shifts over the next few weeks, if you do not sink into being offended, but continue to pray for them. And remember, God is watching how you handle this. Every time you think of this offense, choose not to be offended. Rise above. Reset your thoughts as many times as you need to. And keep in mind,
It is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
~ Prov 19:11 (NIV)
Life often gives us opportunities to get offended. But we can choose how much we want to buy into taking in the hurt. With practice, it will take you less and less time and effort to get back to your Peace Within. So practice! And pray.
- Kebba Buckley Button is a stress management expert and award-winning author. She also is an ordained minister and has a natural healing practice. Among her books are: Discover The Secret Energized You (http://tinyurl.com/b44v3br),and Peace Within: Your Peaceful Inner Core, Second Edition(http://tinyurl.com/mqg3uvc ). Her newest book is Sacred Meditation: Embracing the Divine, available through her office. Just email SacredMeditation@kebba.com.
- For an appointment or to book Rev. Kebba to speak for your group, email firstname.lastname@example.org
Energy – Peace – Meditation